This was just a quick list of thoughts I had while walking around campus, things I noticed and the thoughts that followed. Looking back, it doesn’t really feel like I was saying anything that important, but I remember feeling a strong sense of respect for the world when I wrote it. I wanted to share it as it is because I think everyone has these kinds of thoughts and questions, even if they feel a little embarrassing later. It feels important to keep it in its original tone instead of editing it, so over time I can see how my thinking changes.
Humanity’s collective consciousness comes together to weave a memory of stories and cultural institutions that build up the world for the future. To provide structure. As we age, what do we see? How do we change?
I saw a little boy, maybe three or so, looking at the grass, bending down to pick some flowers, observing his surroundings. I see his parents walking along the sidewalk keeping an eye on their son. I see another mother showing her son the buildings around campus, the child listening intently. The cherry blossoms fall while families linger taking pictures. How do we change as we grow older?
What is love and what is hate? What intensity do we feel these things and why do they seem to change as we grow older? It is funny to see a reflection of myself in everyone I observe, a life worth living? Why do people have the desire to grow old with a companion? Why do we look for friends, for survival? Could there be something more? Do we all have a purpose in this world?
We are so insignificant, how could we have a meaningful purpose in this gargantuan machine we call the universe? What can I do that would change even an insignificant part of this world? Yet, why do I feel empty when I am not actively working towards a mission? Why do I need something that is always pushing me to wake up out of bed and keep working hard? Do we all follow the same path? Do we all live an innocent childhood, grow up and learn about the world, friends and social support, and eventually want to live a comfortable life? What drives these goals? Why do I see a majority of this world living this fantasy?
Is it possible to go against this tide? What is technological innovation adding to society? Is it just a superficial thing that was preplanned? Am I just executing someone’s larger vision? Am I a puppet? Acting upon the actions of a giant looming over, watching our every move? Is individual thought even real? Or are these thoughts being placed in my brain at the most optimal moments for me to react a certain way? Are my reactions even original? Is my fate already decided?
I feel certain things, I experience certain emotions, and these experiences make me who I am. Would someone else who had the same exact upbringing and experiences as me end up like me? I don’t think so. Why is that? Why do I not think so? The beauty of human consciousness is that I am able to even conceive of these things. There is so much to life, but what even is the point of life? What if we all disappeared tomorrow? Would anything change besides the fact that we do not exist? My problems seem quite unimportant when I look at it that way.
I’m just glad to be here.